stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
