i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
home. puking in laundry basket.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
