On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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