So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize