I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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