you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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