so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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