so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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