i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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