Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
