I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
