im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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