her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
