I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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