If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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