his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
