You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
