She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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