Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
