Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
