I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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