Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize