I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
