I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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