Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
