I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
