Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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