the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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