i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other