Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?