is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.