you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.