so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I met the friendliest cop last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
