eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.