Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so let's talk penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
