The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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