chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
