The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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