Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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