I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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