Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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