google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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