Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
