There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
