If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
