Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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