All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
