This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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