I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
