I have demons in me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
