the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
