Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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