so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
