South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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