Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
