is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
