and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
