I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
