she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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