I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
