he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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