UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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