whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
