I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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