She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
