we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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