Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
