we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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